A psychologist explains why drama seems to follow you

Many people may come to therapy when they are exhausted by the amount of discord that surrounds them. They may say things like:

• “No matter what I do, it seems like every conversation I have somehow turns into an argument.”
• “I can’t shake the feeling that all my friends have it out for me. They always seem captivated or annoyed by my presence.”
• “I feel like drama follows me all day. I try to be a peacemaker, but somehow there’s always chaos around me.”

It’s natural to feel frustrated when you notice that drama seems to follow you wherever you go. it can be disheartening to attract negative energy. However, have you ever stopped to consider whether you could play a role in the drama that surrounds you?

It is more than just a possibility. Psychological researchers have found that some people, sometimes without even realizing it, tend to gravitate towards situations that cause chaos and secretly enjoy the attention it brings.

What drives the need for drama?

Drama, as defined by researchit is a performative, interpersonal conflict in which the antagonist is often removed from the victim, which – like a theatrical drama – is often performed before an engaged audience.

Interpersonal drama is not just about disagreements or conflicts. Rather, it involves deliberately creating or escalating tension, often with the goal of attracting attention or influencing others. According to the study, those with drama-prone personalities often share the same three tendencies:

1. Interpersonal manipulation refers to a pattern of behavior where individuals consciously seek to influence or control the thoughts, feelings, or actions of others to serve their own interests. This manipulation can take many forms – from subtle tactics like guilt tripping or gaslighting to more overt strategies like spreading rumors or confronting people.
2. Impulsive honesty, on the other hand, is the tendency to speak or act impulsively without considering the possible consequences. Those with this trait often have no filter, clouding their thoughts and opinions without considering social norms or the feelings of those around them.
3. Persistent perceived victimization it involves the tendency to see oneself as a permanent victim of circumstances, regardless of whether this perception aligns with their actual reality. They often interpret neutral or more benign events as personal insults or injustices, accusing others of having negative intentions, and often taking a defensive or victimized attitude.

How to tell if you’re prone to drama

Often without realizing it, those drawn to drama become adept at navigating social interactions to fulfill their own desires, sometimes overlooking the impact on the well-being of others. Their tendency towards impulsiveness often leads to conflicts and misunderstandings, with their words and actions often seen as insensitive or confrontational by others.

Their tendency to see themselves as victims can make the situation worse, as their hypersensitivity to perceived slights or injustices further escalates interpersonal tensions.

Given the complex nature of individuals who seem drawn to drama, psychological researchers are increasingly trying to understand the motivations behind this behavior. ONE study published in his journal Personality and Individual Differences led to the development of the Need for Drama Scale – an instrument aimed at identifying and assessing the tendencies of individuals exhibiting traits suggestive of a tendency to drama.

To use the scale, respondents rate their level of agreement with the following statements, from “strongly disagree” to “strongly agree”:

1. Sometimes it’s fun to piss people off.
2. Sometimes I say something mean about someone in the hope that they will know what I said.
3. I say or do things just to see how others react.
4. Sometimes I play people against each other to get what I want.
5. I never wait before speaking my mind.
6. I always speak my mind but pay for it later.
7. It’s hard for me to hold back my opinion.
8. People who act like my friends have stabbed me in the back.
9. People often talk about me behind my back.
10. I often wonder why such crazy things happen to me.
11. I feel like there are people in my life who are out to get me.
12. Many people have wronged me.

Drama often and easily finds its way into our lives. We’ve all been there—scrolling through social media, caught up in the latest gossip or controversy unfolding before our eyes, or watching friends fight over nothing while we laugh from the sidelines. There is no denying the allure of drama from a distance. it can be like a real soap opera, providing a temporary escape from the monotony of everyday life.

However, as we immerse ourselves in drama, we may not recognize its impact on our mental well-being and our relationships. Constantly engaging in conflict and controversy can leave us feeling exhausted, anxious, and emotionally drained. What starts as entertainment can quickly turn into a source of stress and negativity, affecting our mental health and straining our friendships.

At times like these, it’s good to take a step back and evaluate the role drama plays in our lives. Do we actively seek it or unwittingly contribute to it? And more importantly, is it worth sacrificing our peace of mind and emotional well-being for the sake of entertainment? If you find yourself constantly surrounded by drama and negativity, it may be time to take some time to reflect and assess whether it’s time to protect your peace.

Wondering if you have a hidden penchant for strife and chaos? take it Need For Drama Scale to learn more.