Research explains the evolutionary basis of why rejection can hurt so badly.
A 2023 study was published on Journal of Personality and Social Psychology examined how two types of social rejection, “warmth rejection” and “competence rejection” affect a person’s behavior in different ways.
Research it shows that we experience emotional pain in response to criticism, betrayal, active disengagement with someone (such as breaking up), passive disengagement (such as feeling left out by friends), and being teased or belittled.
Researchers suggest that it is the consequences of these rejection events, such as feeling lost or unappreciated, that cause wounds and influence our behavioral responses afterward.
See how the two types of social rejection affect human behavior, according to the 2023 study.
1. Rejection of warmth
Warmth rejection refers to the experience of exclusion, rejection, or social rejection based on qualities related to interpersonal warmth, kindness, friendliness, or a perceived lack of empathy. A 2020 study found that a person may be rejected if perceived as cold, hostile, unsympathetic, or emotionally distant. Warmth rejection usually leads to feelings affliction.
Furthermore, according to the “need-threat model,” when our fundamental psychological needs—including the need for belonging, self-esteem, control, and meaningful existence—are threatened or unfulfilled due to rejection or exclusion, individuals seek to restore or enhance them the needs, driven by their survival instinct to maintain social groups.
A person’s warmth is intrinsically linked to the well-being and interests of others. Reduced warmth, characterized by coldness or unfriendliness, directly affects others negatively and serves as a signal that a person is not favored by others, which prevents the fulfillment of belonging.
Researchers have found that when individuals perceive themselves to be rejected because of their warmth levels, their need for social belonging is threatened. Consequently, individuals begin to focus less on themselves and more on themselves connection with others to restore a sense of belonging.
In the study, those who experienced warmth-rejection showed more interest in forming new friendships, perceived others as more sociable, and displayed more relatable behaviors compared to those who felt rejection for other reasons.
2. Ability rejection
Competence rejection refers to a form of social exclusion or rejection that occurs when a person perceives or experiences being rejected, excluded, or devalued based on a perceived lack of skills, abilities, intelligence, or effectiveness in handling specific tasks or situations. This type of rejection can lead to feelings of inadequacy, decreased self-esteem and often causes anger.
Researchers have found that, as with having one’s belongingness needs threatened, perceiving competence rejection threatens one’s need for self-efficacy. This refers to a person’s belief in their ability to successfully accomplish specific tasks, goals, or handle challenges.
Unlike warmth rejection, threats to self-efficacy lead individuals to focus more on themselves than on connecting with others. This was reinforced self concentration stems from the need to maintain a positive social image of one’s abilities and tends to enhance self-awareness of perceived shortcomings, prompting individuals to allocate mental resources to self-improvement.
The researchers explain, “Able individuals are perceived as having high social status, which positively predicts sense of control over social resources and other people. As a result, powerlessness means that the person is weaker or lower than other people in the social class, which can hinder their sense of control.’
When someone experiences disempowerment, it happens against their will and compromises their sense of control over their life experiences, which they then work to regain.
Individuals may perceive themselves to be rejected by others based on their warmth and competence, even when the actual reasons remain unclear. Understanding how rejection is perceived can greatly improve understanding of its effects.
conclusion
Coping with rejection is challenging, but reflecting on our reactions allows for a more objective assessment of rejection events. Experiencing rejection does not necessarily reflect our worth or abilities. It is important to practice self-acceptance and learn from these experiences without internalizing them or lowering our self-esteem. This shift in mindset paves the way for personal growth and improved emotional well-being.
Not sure where you fall on the rejection sensitivity spectrum? This evidence-based personality assessment can help you gain clarity: Questionnaire for highly sensitive people
