Here’s how to balance the fine line between duty and personal fulfillment.
“Eldest Daughter Syndrome” is a colloquial term that refers to the unique set of challenges and expectations placed on the shoulders of the eldest daughter, juxtaposing family duties with social norms. As a pioneer and role model, he not only shoulders the burden of household chores, but also takes on the role of a surrogate parent, taking care of siblings and helping with caregiving duties from an early age.
This multi-faceted responsibility, which includes everything from mundane household chores to complex caring duties, puts enormous pressure on older daughters, often overshadowing their own personal growth and aspirations. Despite their important contributions, the burden on older daughters often goes unnoticed, leading to emotional strain, limited opportunities for self-discovery, and strained relationships.
It is imperative that we recognize the challenges of elder daughter syndrome so that those affected can take proactive steps to achieve a healthier balance between family obligations and personal fulfillment.
Here are three factors that perpetuate the eldest daughter syndrome in family dynamics.
1. Parental Expectations
Parental expectations can weigh more heavily on the older daughter, as she often harbors ambitious dreams for her future success. These aspirations, while well-intentioned, can transform into overwhelming burdens, inadvertently placing the responsibility on her to fulfill their unfulfilled dreams or aspirations. For example, parents may envision her excelling academically, pursuing a prestigious career, and seamlessly managing important household responsibilities while maintaining a flawless image. These high expectations create tremendous pressure and foster feelings of inadequacy in the older daughter as she struggles with the daunting task of living up to her parents’ standards.
One article explains the role of early socialization and contextual factors in understanding the gendered division of household labor among adult children. Findings indicate that parental division of labor in childhood influences later engagement in daily household chores. It also highlights the impact of maternal role modeling on girls’ attitudes and behaviors toward housework, suggesting that the example mothers set of balancing work and home responsibilities leaves a lasting impression on their daughters’ approach to housework.
2. Fraternal relations
According role model theory, The division of household work by parents and the employment status directly affect the jobs that children undertake and the way in which they perceive their responsibilities. For example, if parents share household chores equally, children are more likely to see chores as a shared task and participate equally. Conversely, in households with traditional gender roles, where one parent focuses on employment while the other handles housework, children may adopt similar roles.
In many families, the eldest daughter is often expected to take on a caregiving role, including childcare and emotional support for siblings. While initially driven by a sense of duty or affection, this responsibility can quickly become overwhelming, leading to resentment and frustration. Additionally, sibling dynamics, influenced by birth order, gender roles, and individual personalities, can further complicate matters. Older daughters may feel overshadowed by younger siblings or perceive unequal treatment by parents, intensifying feelings of neglect or inadequacy and straining relationships with siblings.
3. Social pressures
Social norms and cultural traditions are often reinforced gender roles and expectations, perpetuating the notion that women should prioritize family obligations over personal ambitions. This societal pressure weighs heavily on the eldest daughter, who may feel compelled to adhere to traditional gender roles and give up her own ambitions for the sake of her family.
In addition, cultural expectations that surround filial piety and duty they further exacerbate the older daughter’s sense of obligation. According to a study, authoritarian filial piety (AFP) significantly affects several aspects of adolescent development, including well-being, academic motivation, and moral behavior. For example, authoritarian filial piety may influence academic drive through external factors such as fear of punishment or desire for parental validation. While initially motivating academic success, this external drive may not be sustainable and may lead to stress or burnout. Similarly, AFP can shape moral behavior through fear of punishment or social norms, potentially leading to moral disengagement or justification of unethical behavior.
These social pressures limit the eldest daughter’s autonomy and hinder her pursuit of personal goals, hiding within her feelings of frustration and resentment.
In such high-pressure situations where distancing is impractical, the use of “de-centering” offers a realistic approach to managing the stress associated with large pupil syndrome. “Decentering” is a psychological technique that involves shifting from subjective views and feelings to a objective understanding of experiences. It allows individuals to emotionally detached from difficult situations without completely severing ties. By taking a broader perspective and considering factors beyond immediate feelings, decentering helps relieve and psychologically distance from troublesome aspects of the relationship while maintaining some level of connection. A trusted loved one or mental health professional can help you psychologically ‘uncenter’ yourself from your situation, enabling you to see that love and exploitation can sometimes coexist without you realizing it.
Has “eldest daughter syndrome” affected your ability to own your achievements? take it Impostor Syndrome Scale to learn.
