A psychologist explains the “Acceptance vs. Change” paradox.

The paradox of acceptance and change often appears contradictory. How can one accept a situation while at the same time trying to change it? At first glance, acceptance and change seem like opposing forces, pulling us in different directions. Acceptance can imply resignation, surrender to the status quo, while change implies an active pursuit of something different.

However, these processes are not mutually exclusive, they are complementary. Acceptance is actually the prerequisite for meaningful change. It involves acknowledging reality without denial or resistance and making peace with what cannot be changed in the present moment while recognizing the potential for growth and transformation in the future. Only by accepting our circumstances, however uncomfortable, can we understand our situation and take steps towards change.

Here are two practical ways to navigate this paradox and find harmony between acceptance and change.

1. Practice Radical Acceptance

Based on the principles of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), the concept of “radical acceptance” is a strategy for embracing unchanging feelings, thoughts, and circumstances. Essentially, radical acceptance involves fully embracing reality as it is, without attempting to alter it or wish it away. It means saying yes to the present moment, even when it brings discomfort or pain, recognizing that resistance only intensifies the pain. This practice requires courage and self-compassion, urging us to face our deepest fears and vulnerabilities without hesitation.

When we practice radical acceptance, we free ourselves from the exhausting struggle against the inevitable. Instead, we find liberation in surrendering to what lies beyond our control. This does not mean that we passively submit to fate. It is the recognition that genuine change begins with acceptance. By releasing the grip of resistance, we create space for clarity and insight, allowing us to discern the most effective course of action.

The embrace of radical acceptance thus opens up a realm of possibility and transformation. It allows us to break free from our ingrained cognitive patterns and expectations, leading to new perspectives and opportunities. With this new clarity and freedom, we can take decisive action toward transformation, knowing that we are worthy, regardless of the outcome.

2. Explore Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

According research, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) focuses on the fundamental understanding that pain, grief, disappointment, illness, and stress are inherent aspects of the human experience. Its therapeutic goal is to help individuals adapt to these challenges by cultivating psychological flexibility, rather than using ineffective methods to eliminate or suppress unwanted emotions.

emphasizes ACT six basic processes to enhance psychological flexibility and align behaviors with long-term values ​​rather than fleeting impulses. These procedures include:

• Defusion. This counters the tendency to treat verbal descriptions as absolute truths, which can lead to rigid responses. For example, someone who is afraid of public speaking may interpret their nervousness as incompetence, avoiding such situations altogether. Abstraction techniques aim to reduce the influence of verbal descriptions on behavior, allowing for a more objective assessment of thoughts.
• Acceptance. This involves willingly experiencing automatic, sometimes unwanted, feelings or sensations without trying to control them. Research consistently shows that using acceptance-based strategies enhances task persistence, as opposed to avoiding stressful situations, which can limit fulfillment.
• Being present. Working alongside acceptance and diffusion, presence helps individuals respond to current environmental demands rather than being stuck in thoughts of the past or future. It involves voluntary engagement with the present environment, allowing for more effective adaptation and performance.
• The self as context. This refers to the ability to observe one’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors from a detached perspective. It helps individuals move away from negative self-criticism and respond more adaptively to difficult situations.
• Values. This involves identifying essential principles that guide behavior, other than goals. For example, valuing family time means prioritizing activities such as spending quality time together, communicating openly, and supporting each other’s growth. Living by these values ​​means making decisions and taking actions that align with these principles, serving as a compass for navigating life’s challenges.
• Committed action. Engaged action in clinical practice mirrors traditional behavioral methods, extending valued behaviors within the context of psychological flexibility. This usually involves setting achievable goals aligned with established values. For example, someone with exercise anxiety might aim to walk for an hour, three times a week, to prioritize the value of maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) thus encourages individuals to learn to live a more meaningful and fulfilling life, even in the face of uncertainty and change. ACT teaches us that acceptance is not about giving up but about making conscious choices that bring us closer to the life we ​​want to live.

The paradox of acceptance and change is not a dilemma to be solved but rather a dynamic interaction to be embraced. Remember, true change begins with acceptance – so embrace the present moment, with all its imperfections, and trust the power of change to lead you to a brighter future.

Do you give in to catastrophizing when you should be more accepting? take it Stress sensitivity test to learn more.