The way children play teaches us a lot about enjoying each other’s company while maintaining a sense of … [+]
As you move through life, you likely face an increase in the number of responsibilities that demand your time and attention. From your career to your personal growth and everything in between, you may feel like you’re always being pulled in different directions. Balancing these demands while trying to maintain a meaningful relationship can leave you wondering how to find time for both yourself and your partner.
This is where “side play” comes in – a concept most often associated with young children, but incredibly beneficial for adults, especially in romantic relationships. Parallel play as an adult involves sharing the same space with your partner while you pursue your own activity of interest, just as children play side by side without necessarily interacting.
This habit reduces the need for constant communication or interaction while still spending quality time together. Instead of feeling the pressure to always be “on” for each other, you can simply enjoy being in the same room or even on a video call, each doing their own thing and still feeling connected.
Here are three ways incorporating side-by-side play into your routine can benefit your relationship.
1. Balances Togetherness and Independence
In any relationship, it is important to find a balance between intimacy and the need for personal space. As you grow closer with your partner, the line between your individual identity and the identity you share as a couple begins to blur. This can lead to feelings of dependency or even a loss of sense of self.
According to research was published on Journal of Personality and Social Psychologywhen we tie our self-esteem too closely to our romantic relationships, it can be unhealthy. This is called “relationship-dependent self-esteem.” It happens when one’s sense of worth depends on how well one’s relationship is going. Instead of feeling good about themselves independently, they rely on their relationship for validation. This can strain the relationship and hinder personal growth.
Side-by-side play helps both partners develop individually by allowing them to engage in their own activities and interests while sharing the same space. It gives each person the freedom to focus on personal development, whether it’s a hobby or just spending some quiet time alone. The mere presence of the other person in the same space fosters a sense of cohesion, comfort and autonomy.
This mindful approach also helps reduce stress and insecurity by reinforcing the idea that love thrives in an environment where both partners feel valued as individuals. Parallel play builds emotional security for both partners without fear of losing their individuality, creating an empowering relationship.
2. Reduces Burnout in relationships
In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, many relationships can begin to feel emotionally drained. The constant pressure to be available and emotionally present for your partner can lead to burnout. Over time, this emotional exhaustion can also make it harder to connect and show affection.
Parallel play is an effective solution to this and gives both partners a chance to recharge. It doesn’t mean distancing yourself from your partner. Instead, you are both physically present but emotionally detached. This together-but-apart dynamic ensures that neither of you feels overwhelmed or suffocated while still nurturing the bond between you.
The beauty of this ritual is that the time we spend “apart” really deepens the quality of time spent together. When both partners return to each other from their separate activities, they are rejuvenated enough to bring the relationship from a place of emotional abundance rather than scarcity. This promotes a much more sustainable relationship dynamic than constant interaction.
3. Embraces the silent connection
A relationship where silence doesn’t feel uncomfortable is strong. Side-by-side play allows couples to enjoy each other’s company without the need for constant verbal communication.
Over time, this creates a deeper sense of trust and comfort, as both partners can be content with the other’s presence without feeling the need to play or entertain. Such silence helps them build a space where they feel safe enough to be themselves, even in their most raw and unguarded moments.
A 2024 study was published on Motivation and Emotion examines the concept of “intrinsically motivated silence”. The study confirms that shared silence, motivated by emotional connection rather than external expectations, helps build a deeper sense of closeness and contentment.
Life gets complicated and so do our relationships. While it’s possible for important connections to take a back seat as responsibilities pile up, it’s vital to pause in the chaos and prioritize the relationships that really matter.
Relationships thrive on intention. Neglecting them can lead to them quietly disappearing. So make room for love and make an effort before it’s too late. The parallel play is a reminder that love is strengthened not only through grandiose declarations, but in quiet, shared moments that say, “I’m here with you.”
Are you feeling drained in your relationship? Take this science-based quiz to find out: Couple Burnout Measure
