2 relationship tests All good couples pass with flying colors

A 2021 study published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology emphasized the importance of healthy communication in a relationship, not only during tense times like a fight or an emergency, but also when experiencing good times like a promotion or romantic vacation. A partner’s response and way of communicating in these moments can either lead to higher levels of relationship satisfaction or signal the end of the relationship.

Here are two critical moments in a relationship that can affect its future.

1. How your partner responds to an argument

Research shows that disagreements and communication issues are some of the leading causes of relationships ending. However, it is not only the topic of the dispute that matters, but also how the partners communicate during it.

For example, a partner’s tone of voice, their tendency to interrupt or talk over the other, and whether they feel undervalued or that their problems are minimized all contribute to the outcome of a conflict. Research shows that while an argument in itself is not harmful, being defensive, stubborn, and withdrawing from a discussion can be damaging to relationships.

In contrast, “perceived partner responsiveness,” which indicates how caring, understanding, and validating a partner is, has a healing effect during times of adversity. Even during a heated argument, it’s possible to maintain respect and let your partner know you care about them, despite the fact that I disagree with them.”Fighting right” also depends on addressing concerns without the use of blame and continuing to treat each other with respect afterward.

The researchers further emphasize the importance of “accommodation” in arguments, which includes strategies that individuals use to resolve conflicts and restore harmony in relationships.

There are usually four types of adaptation responses:

1. Active-constructive. Collaborators purposefully discuss issues and actively work to solve problems.
2. Passive-constructive. A partner may silently forgive and wait patiently for conditions to improve, without expressing overt disapproval.
3. Active-destructive. Here, individuals tend to criticize their partner and may even threaten to end the relationship in response to issues.
4. Passive-destructive. Individuals ignore both their partner and the underlying problem, leading to a lack of constructive communication or possible resolution.

An active-constructive accommodation response is most likely to benefit the relationship and may include compromising or working together to find mutually beneficial solutions, active listening paying attention to your partner’s perspective, feelings and concerns, while also clearly expressing your own , recognizing mistakes. and offers forgiveness and temporary removal from conflict if necessary to cool down and regroup.

With healthy accommodation, a partner tries to respond with a positive, constructive approach and a willingness to prioritize the relationship over individual differences. When the other person makes a mistake, they can resist the urge to attack or get angry and choose to handle the situation with patience and understanding.

2. How your partner responds to the good news

Sharing good news and moments of joy with a partner, known as “capitalization,” can either improve or hinder the quality of your relationship, based on their response.

A 2023 study found that feeling valued by a partner, which is often the result of a positive capitalization response, also makes you value them more, as well as being more responsive to their needs and more likely to stay committed to them.

Similar to accommodation responses, an active-constructive capitalization response is characterized by enthusiasm, support, and genuine interest and has the most positive impact on relationship satisfaction. It encourages feelings of perceived partner responsiveness, connection, emotional intimacy, and allows individuals to experience positive events more fully through the enthusiastic reactions of their loved ones.

On the other hand, passive or destructive responses can make a partner feel ignored or belittled, as they either receive nothing more than fleeting recognition or receive criticism and invalidation. In the long run, these kinds of responses lead to relationship breakdowns.

Research also shows that active-constructive responses that are proactive or ask a partner to process good news and thus enhance shared joy lead to greater sexual satisfaction, while other types of responses were associated with lower satisfaction or even sexual discomfort.

When a partner shares your joy, it means they care about your happiness and well-being. These moments can be indicators of how much emotional space they hold for you and how comfortable they are with you in the “spotlight.”

A 2022 study highlights the importance of caring for one’s own mental health to become a more responsive partner. Researchers have found that people are more able to respond enthusiastically to their partner’s good news when they are experiencing positive emotions themselves.

Opportunities for capitalizing interactions can be found every day. Research shows that when your partner makes even a small attempt at connection, such as a comment, question, or gesture seeking your attention or commitment, a positive and thoughtful response is vital.

For example, your partner might point out a beautiful flower they noticed while out for a walk. To connect with you and share their joy, they might say “I’m so glad we went for a long walk today!” Your positive response, such as mentioning a particular moment during the walk or offering to spend more free time together, such as “I really enjoyed it too! How about we try the new hiking trail this weekend?’ it recognizes capitalization effort and helps strengthen your connection in a long-lasting, meaningful way.

conclusion

Prioritizing supportive and responsive communication can help couples build and maintain healthier, more fulfilling relationships. The way partners communicate in both difficult and happy moments is an opportunity for growth and expansion in relationships.

If you’re not sure if any of the issues you’re dealing with in your relationship are cause for concern, you can take this test here: Relationship Satisfaction Scale