Convenience and dedication rarely intersect. If you want your long-term relationship to be more than “good,” consider breaking these four habits.
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Long-term relationships often come with an unspoken set of rules. And as part of these invisible parameters, certain disappointments, frustrations, and compromises in relationships are simply treated as inevitable, as if they are the price all partners pay for stability. Over time, people begin to normalize patterns of behavior (which later turn into habits) that quietly undermine their emotional health, simply because they are familiar.
Psychological research shows that relationship longevity is maintained not by putting up with more, but by constantly finding new ways to respond to what erodes trust, intimacy, and emotional security in the bond. (Good fun, inspired by science Romantic Personality Quiz to learn how your personality and your partner’s personality interact in your relationship.)
Here are four patterns that research shows are usually normalized in long-term relationships, but should be looked at very carefully.
Habit 1: Emotional carelessness masquerading as comfort
Many couples accept emotional neglect as a natural consequence of their time together. We automatically assume that conversations will eventually become logistical, or that thoughtful emotional check-ins will disappear, or the curiosity we once felt about each other’s inner world will disappear. Often, this change in your romantic base is explained as comfort, familiarity, or just being busy.
However, decades of relationship research suggest otherwise. Studies on emotional responsiveness show that feeling emotionally visible and understood remains a central predictor of relationship satisfaction across all stages of a relationship. Partners who perceive their partner as emotionally disengaged report higher levels of loneliness, even when the relationship is stable.
Psychologist John Gottman describes emotional offerings as small attempts at connection that occur throughout everyday life. Research shows that the persistent lack or neglect of these offerings predicts relational dissatisfaction more strongly than the frequency of conflict.
Normalizing emotional inattention teaches both partners that emotional presence is optional. Over time, this erodes the safety and security of attachment.
Habit 2: Chronic low-level dissatisfaction
Resentment is often seen as inevitable in long-term relationships. Unbalanced work, unmet needs, and unresolved conflicts can sometimes accumulate for this reason. Rather than being addressed directly, they become background noise that partners learn to tune out unless it occasionally becomes too loud to ignore. In other words, people learn to live with irritation rather than face danger.
And while resentment may seem passive, it is physiologically and emotionally active. Studies of emotional suppression show that unexpressed resentment increases anxiety, emotional withdrawal, and negative interpretations of a partner’s behavior. Resentment also distorts perception, making neutral actions feel purposeful or dismissive.
In long-term relationships, resentment is especially dangerous because it often masquerades as maturity. People tell themselves that they are flexible or realistic, when in fact unresolved grievances can lead to emotional detachment and reduced empathy over time.
Healthy relationships don’t eliminate disappointment. They create pathways to deal with it before identity formation takes place.
Habit 3: Avoiding difficult conversations to maintain stability
Many couples normalize avoidance in the name of peace, avoiding topics like intimacy, money, emotional needs, or resentment indefinitely. And the absence of overt conflict that arises is then considered to be evidence of a healthy relationship.
However, a Study 2022 on conflict avoidance shows that avoiding difficult conversations increases relationship instability over time. When issues are consistently avoided, partners report lower trust, less emotional closeness, and greater fear of vulnerability.
From an attachment perspective, avoidance can send the subtle message that the relationship cannot tolerate honesty. This undermines emotional security, even if day-to-day functioning remains smooth. Realistically, long-term stability does not depend on the absence of conflict (which is an impossible expectation), but on the presence of repair.
Habit 4: Reduce intimacy in hands-on collaboration
Many relationships turn into effective co-management over time, with partners becoming roommates, co-parents or logistical allies. Emotional and physical intimacy is slowly disappearing, or at least being treated as secondary or optional. This change is often framed as a “normal” stage of adulthood.
However, research shows that this normalization comes at a heavy, invisible cost. A Study 2024 shows that emotional and physical closeness play a critical role in stress regulation, emotional attachment, and overall mental health. Long-term couples who maintain loving behaviors report higher relationship satisfaction and lower stress, even during challenging life stages.
When intimacy is de-prioritized, partners often experience emotional loneliness within the relationship. This is one of the strongest predictors of disengagement, even when engagement remains.
Because these habits become normal in the first place
From a psychological perspective, normalization often reflects adaptation rather than acceptance. People shift and adapt to what feels unresolved. And to protect themselves from any disappointment that may follow, they simply lower their expectations.
Normalizing a habit or behavior in a relationship doesn’t magically make it “healthy,” it just makes it tolerable. And if a couple wants to build habits that benefit their relationship and aren’t just there to maintain status quothey should be rooted in the following three key guiding principles:
- Emotional response. Feeling emotionally cared for even during times of stress.
- Repair after rupture. Dealing with misalignment instead of ignoring it.
- Intentional intimacy. Treating the connection as a practice rather than a phase.
As you may have noticed, the main line in all three principles is not resigned acceptance, it is the spirit of renegotiation and flexibility.
Are any of these habits disrupting your relationship happiness? Get the science behind it Relationship Satisfaction Scale to know
Do any of your relationship habits stem from your personality? Get my science inspired Romantic Personality Quiz know how you appear in relationships.
